letting each other go

Archive for June, 2007

Special Message

Posted by Leo G on June 28, 2007

As I was clearing my spam folder and had just hit the delete button I noticed an email from someone…I think named Pamela…who started the email “I just discovered your blog…” then poof! gone forever.

That’ll teach me to be quick on the “delete all spam” button. Could you, whomever you are, resend your email? Thank you.
hitting delete


Posted in Trying to communicate | 2 Comments »

Tomorrow, Tomorrow…I love ya, Tomorrow…

Posted by Leo G on June 27, 2007

nullThe kids come home tomorrow night. I really miss them. It seems while they were away, Bup has found love. They were visiting his sister’s best friend from second grade in Sweden. (She’s fifteen now.) I guess spending almost two weeks in her company sparked something. Their grandmother called more than once to tell us how sweet he is with her: how he holds her hand, touches her arm, looks at her with such tender eyes. What an interesting development!

He’s always had a tendency to fall for girls who are somehow unavailable. Him in the States, her in Sweden–that’s long distance! Of course they can chat and webcam these days, but still. Of course, the “practical dad” in me is pleased. It’s very hard to get a girl pregnant from 4966 miles (as the crow flies) away.

One of the goals of these summer trips was to remind him (and his sister) that life is much much bigger than their little group of friends or school or even this city. I guess we achieved that goal. I just hope he doesn’t pine after her too much.

Posted in Ups | 1 Comment »

A Break for Everyone

Posted by Leo G on June 15, 2007

Bup and his sister are off on their annual summer trip with their grandmother. This year’s destination is Stockholm, Sweden. (I know, they are spoiled. I’ve never been to Europe…) This is a wonderful thing that she can do for them that we’d never be able to make happen.

I think, having heard about the trouble Bup’s been in, she was very nervous about traveling with him. She came in the night before and we all had dinner together and she just couldn’t stop saying what a wonderful young man he is. She’s right. He is engaging, smart, and charming. A conversation with him is a real delight and a bit of an adventure because he is such a creative thinker.

Things seem to be particularly good because he and his two best friends made a pact to quit using the day school got out. So far I think they’ve stuck to it and it shows in Bup’s attitude and energy level. He seems very focused on this book he’s writing and now illustrating. Last week he drew an incredibly picture of Moses. (from Exodus.)

Anyway, my partner and I get a break, the kids are having a great adventure, and even the dog seems more relaxed.

Posted in Ups | 4 Comments »

Day by Day Letting Go

Posted by Leo G on June 4, 2007

One of the hardest things about having a kid who has been getting in trouble is not trying to control them. Last night my son’s best friend called at 9 p.m.  He wanted Bup to come over and spend the night “to celebrate the beginning of summer.”  I looked Bup in the eye and asked what they’d be doing.

“Partying.” was his reply.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Watching movies, staying up late, and drinking root beer.” He said. “Well…not root beer, but soda. Unless BF’s dad is there. He lets us drink beer.”
“You told me you don’t even like beer.”
“I don’t. Which is why you don’t have to worry.”

I let him go. In fact, I drove him there. I appreciated his honesty and on the way we had a great discussion about the book Bup is writing. He’s on chapter four.  It’s based on Dante’s Inferno, the book of Revelation, and stories about the devil.  He has the plot all planned out and it’s a great story that plays with the ambiguity of good and evil.  The kid is brilliant.

And sixteen.  Which is why every day seems to involve a deep breath and another lesson in the school of letting go.

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Posted in Coping | 2 Comments »

Sixteen Thinking Science

Posted by Leo G on June 1, 2007

This great article talks about adolescent brain development. Sometimes just knowing that all this is normal helps. Here are some great quotes:

…Right around the time of puberty and on into the adult years is a particularly critical time for the brain sculpting to take place…

… It is sort of unfair to expect teens to have adult levels of organizational skills or decision-making before their brains are finished being built…

…The frontal lobe is often called the CEO, or the executive of the brain. It’s involved in things like planning and strategizing and organizing, initiating attention and stopping and starting and shifting attention. It’s a part of the brain that most separates man from beast, if you will…

…I think that [in the teen years, this] part of the brain that is helping organization, planning and strategizing is not done being built yet … [It’s] not that the teens are stupid or incapable of [things].

And one scary one:

…doing drugs or alcohol that evening, it may not just be affecting their brains for that night or even for that weekend, but for the next 80 years of their life…”

Now you know.

Posted in Coping | 1 Comment »