letting each other go

Archive for August, 2008

Quiet Summer Coming to an End

Posted by Leo G on August 7, 2008

This is the last weekend before things change again. Bup’s hearing is the 14th. We’ll learn on Monday what the Observation and Assessment program’s recommendations will be. He’s done really well there, but I can’t tell whether it was real or just a 54 day exercises in extreme self-control. And I don’t know what they will think or say. I know they see the anger under the surface, but they also see that his behavior was entirely appropriate. We’ll see…

Sometimes when I visit, our conversations are easy and it seems like he’s made good progress. But as the time gets close and he gets more scared, he’s more defensive and argumentative. He goes around and around about how unfair it is that he’s lost his whole summer. Some days it feels like he’s convinced he is the victim in all this. But other times he has good insight. I know what he really wants is a completely clean slate.

He’s not going to get it. Not from the state, not from me. He has forgiveness, but there is a difference between forgiveness and pretending nothing ever happened. Plenty happened and to be a good parent–and to be safe–I have to remember and learn. And the consequences of his behaviors will remain: probation, possibly other interventions. He’s still fighting that, which is what really worries me.


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